Day 11 Jasmine and Sheena (copy for podcast finished)
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Speaker: [00:00:00] If you've ever found yourself spiraling down a late night rabbit hole of what am I meant to do and why haven't I found it yet? And let's be honest, who hasn't? Then you're in the right place. I'm Teresa White, career clarity expert and five time certified career coach, and I'm here to help you navigate the question of how to find a career that truly lights you up.
On Career Clarity Unlocked, We're all about those light bulb moments. I'm talking to people who are still trying to figure out what they're meant to do, coaching them live to reach that magical, yes, this is it moment. And we'll also hear from those who've already found their dream careers and figure out exactly how they did it.
Whether you're looking for inspiration or actionable advice on finding a career you love, I've got you covered. Time to unlock some career clarity. Let's dive in.
Transcribed
Theresa: Welcome back to the 12 days of career goals. Today, we're tackling a game team [00:01:00] for professional growth, building unshakable confidence and overcoming imposter syndrome. Have you ever felt like you're just one step away from being found out or that your achievements aren't just luck? You are definitely not alone.
And today we're diving into proven strategies to own your success. Silence all the self doubt and step into your true potential. Confidence isn't a mystery. It truly is a skill you can build. So stick around to hear from two incredible experts, Sheena Yap Chan, and Dr. Jasmine Escalera, who've transformed lives by helping others unlock their worth.
Sheena Yap Chan is a Wall Street journaling bestselling author, keynote speaker, strategist, and award winning podcaster, renowned for her expertise in elevating leadership and self confidence through media. She is the founder and host of the acclaimed podcast, The Tao of Self Confidence, where she interviews women about their journeys to [00:02:00] self confidence.
With over 1 million downloads, her podcast ranks among the top 0. 5 percent most popular shows globally and features over 800 interviews, including conversations with celebrities and eight figure Dr. Jasmine Escalera is a certified career and life coach with a PhD in neuropharmacology. She spent over 10 years in non profit management and leadership before founding her first coaching business, helping women of color confidently navigate their careers.
Recently, she launched the Courage Crew, an online community dedicated to supporting women looking to reinvent their personal and professional lives. Jasmine provides tools, resources, and mentorship to empower women to prioritize their goals, build confidence, and transform their lives. Welcome Sheena.
Welcome Jasmine to the 12 days of career goals.
Jasmine: What is up, ladies? Wow. So exciting [00:03:00] to see you
Sheena: both. Hey, everyone. Excited to be here. Thank you again for the invite and just honored to be with Dr. Jasmine. So, yeah. Oh, I'm honored to be with you, girl.
Jasmine: And we got a call coming up soon where I'm going to just hear, I want to hear it all.
All the things you're doing. It's
Theresa: amazing. Oh, my God. This is so incredible to have both of you here today. And I can't wait to get into all of it. And I want to kick it off with you, Jasmine, confidence often feels elusive, like, especially when we're doubting ourselves, it's like this elusive concept. Can you share a specific time when you were doubting yourself and a single decision or action that shifted your mindset in that moment?
And what's the in your ripple effect of that change?
Jasmine: Oh Lord. I doubt myself every day. Okay. And I think that that's the most important thing for us to understand when we're talking about confidence, we sometimes see these amazing confident women and men, and we think, Oh my gosh, like they're super powerful, you know?
And we think that they don't doubt [00:04:00] themselves. Doubt, fear, uncertainty. These are not. things that confident individuals do not have. They are simply things that confident individuals know are always going to exist and can be managed. And so I want to start us off there and understanding that no matter where you are in your confidence journey, whether you're starting out or you consider yourself a confidence pro, it still is there.
Now, I would say that my confidence journey really started. Through toxic workplaces. So being a Latina in STEM, being the only woman of color, very often in male dominated white spaces, feeling as though I didn't have the capacity to speak up my voice. I didn't feel supported. I didn't think that the people around me understood my journey and my story.
I would say that that really quashed all of the confidence that I had. I would have considered myself a very confident Latina. outside of that environment. [00:05:00] But in that environment, I definitely did not have the capacity to tap into that power. And really, what that taught me is that confidence very much comes from within.
But you can be practicing your confidence and growing that muscle. And if you are not in a supportive environment and space, if you're not around support, people, no matter what you do, that confidence will automatically feel diminished or you won't be able to show up in your truest, brightest, shiniest light.
And so for me, what being in toxic work environments helped me to do was definitely to not just build my confidence, but to understand my self worth and my value, which are components for sure of confidence. But it also taught me the most important thing that I have learned. through the course of my life, which is environment is an instrumental factor to not just building your confidence, but sustaining that confidence.
And so that has definitely had a ripple [00:06:00] effect in my life. Um, I grew up in Brooklyn, New York in New York City. I now currently reside in South Beach, a block away from the beach, because this is the environment that my confidence, my sense of self worth and my value can truly thrive within. And I focus a lot on who I am who I place myself around so that I am placing myself around activators, people who can activate the energy within me so that I can be the best representation of myself each and every day.
So starting out confidence does not mean you don't have doubt. It does not mean you don't have fear, but you learn to manage it. And if you are working on your confidence and you feel as though it's a little bit challenging, take a step back and ask yourself, am I in an environment and around people who can activate me and support me to being the best representation of me?
Theresa: Love this Jasmine. This was huge. Both [00:07:00] what you touched on is one, we all have those self doubt moments. Um, it's human to have those. And it is how we deal with them and the environment that we surround ourselves in. And I want to bring Sheena into this conversation is, can you relate to this of being the only one who looks like me or being in a room that's really male dominated and how that impacted your own journey?
Sheena: Yeah, I mean, I grew up, I live in Toronto, I grew up in Toronto, and even though Toronto is one of the most multicultural cities in the world, I mean, I love that we can try different foods from like literally every country, but part of the reason why I do the work that I do is because I never saw any roll bottles in the media that look like me.
So I was always felt ashamed of who I was. I was ashamed of my own culture. I wanted to have blonde hair and blue eyes to feel more accepted. And so even going into networking events till this day, you still see very few Asian women putting themselves out there. And it's also [00:08:00] because, you know, we've been taught to never make any noise, stay in the background, just do as you're told.
And so for me, I'm kind of different because I'm always out there. And it's not typical, right? Um, and if, of course it's uncomfortable when you're the only one, but at the same time, if you want things to change, especially when it comes to representation, you have to be the first one to put yourself out there to, , make that first step to pave the way for others so that we can create the change that we want to see.
Theresa: And you both are such wonderful role models for, um, being a representation for others and being that role model for others. And Sheena, I am so inspired by your podcast and you've uncovered over 800 journeys of confidence. And I'm sure you could talk about this all day, every day about all these incredible stories.
But is there any one story that has surprised you or anything that really stood out to you of how successful people overcome self doubt? And [00:09:00] did that influence the way you think about building confidence?
Sheena: Yeah, I mean, every story that I've interviewed on the podcast, you know, I, it does help me each and every day, little by little.
Right. But one that really stood out was actually interviewed a woman who was the first armless pilot. So yes, she flies a plane with her feet and, you know, uh, she, she talks about how the moment she was able to show up as herself was when she took off her prosthetic arms and walked into the bus being armless.
And that's huge, right? Because sometimes we feel like we have a limitation that stops us from moving forward, but here's a person who, who does have a limitation, right? Compared to us, but she's out there. Flying a plane, writing books, speaking on stages, surfing, has a black belt in karate, driving car. And so I realized, you know, what I can, like, when I, when I started to look at my limitations, it's actually not a [00:10:00] limitation compared to this woman.
And so it's like, if she's able to go out there, even though she was born with no arms, she's able to conquer all these things and we can do it too. And, you know, I, this is not to make everybody else feel bad, right? We all have a different situation and I totally understand that. But, seeing her journey, I realized that if she can fly a plane with her feet, I can go out there and, and make it happen.
I don't know how. I don't know when, where, I'm going to figure it out.
Jasmine: Love it. Wow. What a beautiful story that is.
Theresa: Yeah. Wow. So inspiring. And it's absolutely true. If there is someone who can figure out how to fly a plane with their feet. There is really nothing that can stop us to reach our goals.
If you really are determined and driven to do it. And Jasmine, I want to go back to your story of transitioning. You made a huge career change of transitioning from neuropharmacology to a career in [00:11:00] coaching. Were there any internal challenges throughout this big change that you made that you might not have anticipated?
And how did you overcome that? And is there anything we can learn from this?
Jasmine: Yeah, I think the biggest blessing of my life was becoming a coach and becoming a business owner. I did not realize how much healing I was going to have to do to become a successful business owner. And I think that the reason behind that is because when you step out of whatever your comfort zone is, right, for me, my comfort zone is safety, security, stability.
And I was latched onto this nine to five, this career, you know, my parents telling me like, Hey, if you get a good job, you go to school, you're going to be set for life. I had this mindset and this idea that. This was the form of stability. This was the form of safety. And so when I stepped outside of that, and I really had the capacity to now think about how do I get [00:12:00] safety and security on my own through this thing that no one else in my family had ever started.
And we talk about being the first and how powerful and impactful. but also how scary it is to be the first. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't do it, but it is scary as well. And so for me, the biggest transformation that came from leaving a nine to five and stepping into being a business owner really was all about the healing.
It was about healing different components of myself so that I could show up again as the best version of me. I felt as though because I was coaching women, I was coaching women on confidence. I was coaching women on showing up. I was coaching on women on visibility. It was almost like I had to walk the walk if I was going to talk the talk and that really right there is.
I wake up every single day and I think about how can I stretch myself a little bit more because I can't sit here on a call with women and say, Hey, you should go out there. You should be that [00:13:00] only one. You should start that movement. You should speak up in that boardroom. If me myself would be too scared to do that.
So that has been the biggest transformation in this is being able to step outside of my comfort zone and, and then. Also being conscientious about doing that each and every day. How can I do something that makes me a little bit scared? How can I do something that stretches me a little bit more so that when I show up and I'm saying, this is the key to doing it.
And this is how you can get the life that you want. I truly mean that because I'm a life representative of that. How
Theresa: powerful Jasmine. Thank you for sharing that. It's about, and I love that you touched on that healing. It's something I relate to very deeply is. I believe that part of growing our confidence is also healing past wounds.
I'd be, I'd love to also hear Sheena's perspective on this.
Sheena: Yeah, if you can repeat the question, sorry.
Theresa: Oh, no [00:14:00] worries. Is, um, Jasmine touched on the, on Building confidence or stepping outside the comfort zone also came this healing old past wounds that we have ourselves. And I said, I relate to that so much of building my confidence really requires me to heal old wounds.
And I wanted to see if that is something you were, you came across as well.
Sheena: Yeah, I mean, doing this podcast was very healing for me, you know, just being able to hear different women's stories, just knowing that. I wasn't the only one going through what I was going through, right? I always felt, um, I needed to, you know, have, I needed to follow everybody's opinions except for myself.
I could never make a decision for myself. I resisted a lot. I feared a lot of things I had to show up as the perfect, you know, daughters, a sister, you know, that perfect woman. And it's really exhausting. Right. To show up a certain way. So being able to listen to all these stories, um, hearing what they went through made me realize I wasn't the only one dealing with this and that knowing if they went through [00:15:00] this and they're able to overcome it, then I have a chance to overcome it as well.
And this is why for me, representation is so important because we need more women sharing their stories. We need more women telling us, you know, like they've been through the lowest of their low, but they were able to pick themselves back up to move forward because they realized. They were more than enough to make it happen, even if they had no clue how it was going to happen, because, , as women, I think, , we feel like we have to , learn everything first before we set foot, you don't, right?
Like just go for it. And we are more than capable to figure it out as we go, because that's what men do. Right. That's what men do all the time. And so imagine, just imagine how much impact, like positive impact we can create in this world when we have that same thought process.
Theresa: Love this, you know, yes. One of my clients, that memory just came to mind.
Um, I explained this to her in different words that the concept that you were just talking about, [00:16:00] just going out and do it. And she thought about this for a while and she's like, So you want me to chosh it? And that became one of my favorite words because she wanted me to, she said like, you want me to do this like chosh would, like a typical man would.
And that was such a lightbulb moment for her. She was like, okay, from now on, I'm just gonna chosh it all. I'm just gonna approach it like a man would. I'm just gonna put myself out there, and I'm just gonna do the thing no matter if I know. Have it all figured out or if I'm just taking it one step at a time and figuring it out as I go and that really stayed with me.
Jasmine: That's, that's, that's very funny. I do want to say for the men that are on the LinkedIn, if you are feeling like you are lacking confidence, we're not saying that. saying that you should just, you should just have it because I think one of the things is that confidence is something that really impacts everyone.
And imposter syndrome also is something that really impacts everyone. It doesn't matter what your gender is. And in fact, I tend to believe that imposter syndrome [00:17:00] is triggered when you're doing something that That is outside of your comfort zone and maximizes your growth and men and women do that. Um, but I tend to agree that sometimes men kind of are much more self assured than we are.
And I do think that that has a lot to do with conditioning.
Theresa: I'm so glad that you brought that up, Jasmine, and you're absolutely right. Um, it is. Confidence imposter syndrome is something we face across gender. It doesn't matter. I think everyone deals with it. And I think another aspect to it is men are more conditioned to hide it.
Jasmine: Yes, exactly. And that isn't that so unfortunate that we have men out here who are probably experiencing the very similar thing that we are maybe a little bit differently, and they can't express it in the same way that we are allowed to.
Theresa: Yeah, so I think it is might be both is maybe women, based on societal conditions, often have.
tend to have a little bit more [00:18:00] struggles, but men do have it too with confidence, but it's much harder for them to express it. So thank you for adding that very important thought. And we just talked about making a big transition in our lives. Jasmine for Jasmine, it was going a big career change. And Sheena, I wanted to ask you, What you see when it comes to imposter syndrome, when that strikes as we're making a change in our lives, or if you're stepping into a new leadership role, especially, are there any tools or any exercises that you recommend to overcome or to Minimize that imposter syndrome and maybe reframe those thoughts that we're dealing with.
Sheena: Yeah, I think you know, imposter Syndrome something we all go through right myself included And one of the things I really do is have a support system that really cheers me on I think that's the most important. I think people feel like we have to do everything ourselves when we're in reality You don't have to right like there's support everywhere [00:19:00] and there's support for reasons so that you don't have to be alone in this journey So I think that's the most important Another thing that I do is I Actually create a list of the things that I've achieved, right?
I kind of call it, and I learned this from somebody else. Like I call it a bad ass list so that when I'm feeling like I can't accomplish something, I look back to all the accomplishments that I have and made me realize I can make this happen. Like if I made this thing happen, I can make whatever I'm tackling happen.
Right. So like a huge example was, you know, writing my first book, the Tao of self confidence. Um, I had major imposter syndrome, right? Can you imagine, um, a publisher like Wiley coming up to you asking to write a book? About leadership. And I'm like, I don't know if I'm the person to write about that. Like, I didn't know what leadership look like.
Like, I'm just this person just sharing my thoughts. Right. Um, and I almost didn't write this book and it wasn't until, one of my mentors who told me, write it. I was like, okay, I'll write it. Right. She's just like, Do it because it's not just a book, right? Especially [00:20:00] in the publishing industry and traditional publishing, right?
How many Asian women authors do you see that writes a business book? It's like next to none. So I realized I had to put myself out there. I had to make this happen, even if I had no clue what I was going to write about. Um, all I had was an outline. I didn't have a full manuscript because most people have a few, like a full manuscript and they shop it around.
Like I just had an outline and they gave me the green light. And I had a three month deadline to write this book. So, um, I made it happen, right? And I look back at everything that I was able to achieve, even if I had no clue how I started it, I made it happen. And I said, I can make this happen. I'll figure it out.
Right. There was many weekends at Starbucks writing this book. Um, but I, I achieved it right. And actually go more about imposter syndrome in my next book. So if I didn't write this first book, I wouldn't have my upcoming second book called bridging the confidence gap and imposter syndrome. There's a whole chapter on that.
So, um, you know, for anyone who deals with imposter syndrome, you're not the only one we go through [00:21:00] it. Having, you know, support is really important that can show you, cause we all have blind spots, right? So that's why that support system is important. You can have a second or third pair of eyes that can tell you how amazing you are, what your capabilities are.
And then also going back to that list, you've achieved at least one thing in your life, at least one. I know there's more, but there's at least one, right? Whether it's figuring out how to fix your virtual background on Zoom to like, you know, running a marathon. I mean, those are all achievements.
And the more we can list those, the more we can realize like, yeah, I did make this happen. And I didn't even know what I did to begin with, but I made it happen. So, um, and sometimes we have to look at imposter syndrome as a good thing. Right. Um, like you mentioned, we're evolving, we're growing, where, you know, it's helping us take us to the next level.
Um, I see fear the same way, even though I still get scared. I realize this is happening because I need to grow. I need to grow. I need to evolve. I need to be the person that I [00:22:00] want to be so that I can create that impact that I've always wanted. Wow.
Theresa: You wrote this book in three months. That is incredible.
And that's right. That's amazing.
Jasmine: Amazing.
Theresa: Thank you. It's a labor of love. And what an inspiration for anyone listening to hear that you almost wouldn't have wrote it. That imposter syndrome would have almost stopped you from writing it. And that even someone who is very successful as you are, had those moments of doubt in their journey.
And I also love that you say the imposter syndrome is a good thing. It really shows us now, the moment we get out of our comfort zone, it's uncomfortable. There's the imposter syndrome. There's the self doubt. But seeing it that as a like, okay, my brain is warning me that this is unknown territory. And then be like, okay, but as Sheena [00:23:00] said, I've, I've, Been there before and I can do it again.
Love the idea of a badass list. I would love to ask him, is that something you use as well?
Jasmine: Yes, but mine is called the I'm dope list. Yeah, I love it. I mean, obviously, you know, it's, it is one of those things that when you are feeling those moments of doubt, you can tap back into it and you can say, I did it.
And I love, I love it because. If you know how to do it once, you can do it again. You have the brain pathway for it, you have the ability for it, and you have the belief for it. And if you can put those three things together, you're unstoppable.
Theresa: I love it. And I want everyone listening in today to either start a badass list or a dope list and track all their accomplishments.
Now, Jasmine, I, it's something that I personally have experienced and I hear from so many people is that we often [00:24:00] feel like our confidence and need to be earned through achievements. And I'm wondering, is there anything we can do to start feeling worthy without relying on external validation or achieving A, B, and C so that we are then feel worthy and confident?
Jasmine: Yeah, yeah. So that's, you know, oftentimes external validation or external achievements are the sole thing that we are looking for and we are seeking in order to feel validated or good about ourselves. I don't want to say that having external praise or external pat on the back is not a good thing because we all know in this room, I'm sure we've gotten some external praise that made us feel great and kept that momentum and motivation going.
But it is when it is all that you need or desire, or it becomes the primary source for you to continue to For you to be motivated and for you to have that confidence that it becomes a problem [00:25:00] because then essentially you're not looking within. So confidence truly is something that comes from within.
It is a belief that I have the capacity to overcome the fear and the doubt that will, always come up. Fear is a biological mechanism. It is something that comes from like back all in the caveman eras when we were not looking as fine as we were looking today. And it is just something that is drilled within us.
So the majority of our fear fears and doubt actually do not make sense. And one of the things that I do very often and that I encourage my clients to do is to question the fear and the doubt that's coming up. Because very often the fear and the doubt that's coming up internally makes no sense. And when you start to question it, you start to realize that.
Also, fear and doubt can lead you through questioning, can lead you to understanding what it is you need to overcome the fear and the doubt. So [00:26:00] what we do is we have fear, we have doubt, we shut down. When what you need to do is have the fear and the doubt, know that you can overcome it, question it, ask it what it's telling you.
If it's not telling you anything that's helpful or worth it, and potentially lying to you, discredit it and then take action. But part of building confidence is also like the I'm dope list, the bad ass list, the accomplishments list. We just told you to have an accomplishments list to feel more confident.
So you have to collect those receipts. You have to have the evidence and that can sometimes come from accomplishments and external validation to keep the momentum going. Confidence comes from the internal, but it also is built from seeing what you achieve and also sometimes from the people who love you, your supporters, your encouragers, getting that validation that you're changing, that you're growing, that people [00:27:00] see it, it's encouragement.
So it isn't that those things are bad. They're actually a part of the building of confidence. It is when you rely on external validation and external accomplishments Solely for the building of confidence. That's when it becomes an issue.
Theresa: That's huge. Sheena, what is your take on that external validation and how that impacts our confidence?
Sheena: Oh my gosh, I come from a culture where we always need to seek validation from our parents, our elders, from everybody. And it's exhausting. Like, I mean, I had to learn to let go of, seeking validation from my parents, especially in Asian culture. You know, we always want to make sure that, You know, our parents gave us life and all they asked for is everything they tell us to do.
And that's what I did. They asked for everything. Right. And so I did every single thing. I like, I did every single thing I did for like, they told me to do right when it [00:28:00] came to whatever decision I made, you know, like they just did it for me. And when I decided to step out on my own, I really struggled a lot because I felt like I'm not making any progress and my parents are looking down on me and I feel like a failure and I feel like the validation I was seeking was gone and I had to kind of just step back and realize, , I just need to let go of this validation because they didn't even think about that.
It was just all in my head, but you know, this is common, right? Like this, especially in Asian culture, it's very common, and so the, the moment I let go of that, that's validation at just, I just, I was just free to do whatever, right? Like just free to forge my own path, share my mission, do what I needed to do.
And you know, it was interesting because I mean, at first it's not like my parents didn't support the things that I did, they've been ingrained in their heads that living the American dream is having a nine to five job. Nothing wrong with that. If you love your job, but not everybody loves their job.
There's different ways to live [00:29:00] life. Um, and you know, it took a while for them to realize that. In fact, like when my book came out, I think that's when they started realizing, Oh, this is actually, they can actually do something about this. Right. Because if you do something that's like outside the norm, like you're not a doctor, a lawyer, accountant, they're like, how are you going to put money on the table?
How are you going to put food on the table? Right. Like if I told my mom, I want to be an artist, she would be like, How are you going to make money off of that? Because it's just, that's just how they've been programmed from like generation to generation to generation. And so I did let learn to let go of that because if I didn't learn to let go of it, it would literally control my life.
And I would just be in this downward spiral of thinking I needed to seek approval from them to do anything, to even take that first step. And yeah,
Theresa: that's a huge inspiration to hear that you had to really step outside of living for your parents approval to what are the things that you truly want in your life.[00:30:00]
And through all of the conversations that you had with so many of women, I wonder if there's any specific fears or limiting beliefs that you see very commonly. And do you have any strategies for someone to dismantle those beliefs? That you can share from your journey or from
Sheena: podcasting. Yeah, for sure. I think one of the biggest things that we deal with is self love and self care.
I mean, as women, we don't do that, we feel like we have to take care of everybody else and we forget to take care of the most important person, which is ourself. I know as women, we're Natural born caretakers, whether you have children or not, right? We just have that in us, but it's also important to practice self love and when I mean practice self love, not just the good stuff, like the good, bad and the ugly, right back then I used to think I only love the good parts of me and I would hate, reject the bad parts of me, but I realized it's all part of me, especially being a woman, you know, and I'm like, I'm 43.
[00:31:00] So, you know, as a woman over 40, You know, we're seen as expired. You know, we're, we're seen as like, that's the end of our life. When really it's the total opposite. Like your life can begin at any given moment. Um, you know, I'm going to have gray hair coming out , it's not as easy to lose weight as you used to, you know, I put on my pants and like the, the, the love handle start to show, but that's all part of self love.
It's like loving yourself. Unconditionally, right? And you know, the women that I've interviewed, I realized that there's like these commonalities, like people pleasing, feeling like we're not good enough, showing up as a perfect like person, which is unattainable because there's no such thing as perfection.
And so, um, knowing that You know, all these women dealt with that. We just never talked about it. I just felt, I just felt like I wasn't going insane, right? Like I felt like this is just part of life. Like we all go through it. There's nothing wrong with us. We're human, life is full of ups and [00:32:00] downs.
It's a huge roller coaster and we're all just figuring things out as we go in this Big game of life.
Jasmine: Yeah.
Sheena: Can I just say,
Jasmine: I'm going to be 43 next year in 2025. I feel like, I feel like I have never felt more confident in my life. So ladies, if you are wondering what 40s looks like, it looks like I don't give a beep.
And that's it.
Theresa: That's it. All that every day. I'm turning 40 in 12 days. Yay! Welcome! I'm really excited for 40, I have to say. You're turning 40 on Christmas Eve. I am turning 40 on Christmas Eve. Yes. Oh, wow.
Jasmine: That's amazing. Let me tell you, it is dope. The fourth floor is dope. I'm expecting the fifth floor is going to be even doper.
I don't know [00:33:00] what the sixth floor is going to be like. It might be, it might hurt a little bit,
Theresa: but I can't wait to join you on the fourth floor. It's got, it is going to be dope. It is. Yes, 100%. And Jasmine, we're going to be moving into Q and A in a little bit. So for anyone in the audience who has questions, this is your time to ask them.
Drop them in the chat. Don't be shy. All questions are welcome. But Jasmine, I really want to go back to a younger version of yourself who might not have had the confidence that you have today and might have not been sure about the path she's taking. Is there anything you wish you could say to her today and what do you think she would say back?
Jasmine: You know, this question is probably one of the most beautiful questions I've ever been asked, because I think all of us have gone through. Our healing journeys and are continuing to, and one of the biggest things about healing is to really connect to that younger version of you and to give that [00:34:00] younger version of you all the things that they needed in that moment.
And if I could look back at younger Jasmine, little Jasmine, I would tell her that everything that's happening to her. Is happening for her. And I think that that's really important for us to understand is that everything that happens to us is happening for us. We oftentimes get into that mindset of why, why is this happening to me?
And there are a lot of things, a lot of challenges that we go through in this lifetime, but every single challenge that I've faced, I can now look back and say, I get it. I understand why I had to go through that to create. The most powerful, the strongest, the most confident version of me today. And when I look forward, I think about embracing all the challenges that are to come, because if this is me at 42, I can only imagine, I can only imagine what is going to be me.
[00:35:00] for the next challenge and the challenge after that and who comes after that. So if I could say anything to my little self, you know, all the challenges, all the things that hurt, they are all happening in service of you because you will be the most amazing version of you because of them.
Theresa: What a beautiful message, Jasmine.
Oh, this was so, that was such a beautiful answer. Gina, I want to give you the opportunity to, is there any message that you would love to share with the younger version of yourself?
Sheena: I
Theresa: think,
Sheena: you know, like Jasmine said, I don't think I would change anything. You know, everything happens for a reason, the good, bad and the ugly, now when situations happen, Instead of like thinking, why did this happen to me?
I always think what's the lesson or the blessing out of this? Like I'm in this position for a reason and I have to figure it out. I have to observe. I have to like , learn more about it because when you fast forward, like say a couple of years or five years . Later, um, you'll, [00:36:00] you'll, you'll understand it, right?
You figure, you're like, now I know why I had to go what I go through, right? And we all go through struggle. All, all of us, even myself. And I think it's okay to go through that struggle because that's how we're able to Solve big world problems. That's how we are able to build our strength and confidence and courage to keep moving forward.
So, I mean, I don't think I would have told my younger self anything. I think the string of events that I've gone through had to happen for a reason. Um, and, and I'm grateful for it because I wouldn't be here today talking about it.
Theresa: 100%. Yeah. And. It's so it's such a beautiful reframe to look at challenges and the hard time as
why is this happening for me? And what can I learn from it? What are the lessons in this? And maybe we find the blessing in even the hardest of times.
Jasmine: Yeah, you may not see it in that moment. There were many [00:37:00] times where I did not see any lessons, but I did see them after. So I just want to preface that by saying you might be going through something and you're like, these ladies talking about, there's a lesson.
I don't see Jack, it will come.
Sheena: Yes, we'll see. Yeah.
Theresa: And also that being said, it's okay to also have hard times and not be a hundred percent every day. There's going to be hard times and challenging paths in our lives. That we all have to go through and it's okay to feel all of this and to have days where you doubt yourself and aren't your best self because we can't always be perfect or we can never be perfect.
We can just be ourselves. But then looking back at those challenges is when we can see maybe the silver lining or something that we learned or the reason why we had to go through it to be where we are today. Before we go into the Q& A section, I want to hear from both of you. [00:38:00] And let's start with Sheena.
For anyone wanting to really build their confidence in 2025, what is one small step or habit that you would recommend they start today so that they can really build that unshakable confidence in the next year?
Sheena: Yeah, I mean, that's a great question. I think for me, when it comes to building self confidence, , I think the first thing, and it's the reason why I wrote my first book, the top self confidence is really figure out , is there any unresolved trauma that's stopping us from moving forward?
Right? Because a lot of people ask me, how do you build confidence? And I can tell you 101 ways to build confidence, but if there's a trauma in your life, that's still stopping you, then you need to work through that. Right now, it's the end of the year. That's a great time to reflect and figure out , what is really stopping me from moving forward?
Is there something in my life that's, that's stopping me? And sometimes we're not aware that the trauma is stopping us. Right. Um, Some people don't even realize we're not only carrying our own traumas, but we're carrying the [00:39:00] traumas of our parents, grandparents, and so on. Right. They say it goes intergenerational, intergenerational trauma goes like four generations deep.
But I don't know, coming from an Asian background, I feel like it's way longer. So I mean, we really have to figure out these traumas because if not, then we're going to be in the same cycle all over again. So I think that's really the most important is getting to the root cause as to why You know, you, you perceive yourself as a certain way, why you resist taking action.
Like an example was, you know, I was born in the Philippines, actually failed kindergarten for coloring outside the lines of a photo. Um, so, you know, I could not color this photo within the lines. The teacher gave me a brand new photo. I still colored it outside the lines. And I failed kindergarten. I, I had to move to another school and redo kindergarten all over again, all because I colored a photo outside the lines.
And so, if it wasn't for the personal development work that I did and really figure [00:40:00] out, you know, what's really stopping me, that, that moment, led up to my adult life because I felt like everything I touched, I was just an instant failure. And I couldn't understand why and I realized it was because of that moment and because I've learned to work on myself I realized I wasn't a failure.
Someone just said I was a failure. That's just one person But I wasn't a failure, you know, um, now we're doing the personal development work. I saw that as I was always meant to do something different. I was always meant to color outside the lines. And so because I was able to work through that, it helped me move forward in my own journey.
So, um, I think that's the one big tip that I tell people, right? Because like I said, I can give you a, I can give you 101 ways to build confidence, but I think the most important, especially now that's the end of the year. Let's learn to start healing, fixing ourselves in a way that we can move forward and show up as our best self.
Jasmine: I love that. Wow, what a, I mean, first off, I'm just [00:41:00] so inspired by that story, so inspired by that story. And before you even said it, I was thinking in my mind, okay, so Sheena was always meant to draw outside the lines. It's just, it really, I know that that was a traumatic experience for you, but it goes back to what we were talking about, where that shaped you.
You had to heal it for sure, but that shaped you to being the incredibly powerful person you are today. You always were meant to be the person who drew outside the lines. That's. That's like such a beautiful story. And it really also talks about the duality of things. That is a traumatic event that Sheena went through and she had to heal that, but it also is the brilliance of who she is.
And so these events that we have shape us in miraculous ways where we can have a traumatic event that actually creates the power within us to be the person we really are. And so I, that's just such a beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing that.
Theresa: Well, thank you. I appreciate it. [00:42:00] 100 percent yes.
This was a really beautiful story. And thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing this, this, the audience. And yeah, exactly what Jasmine said, it is, those are very traumatic memories. And what I see a lot is people saying like, oh, that was just something that happened when I was 5 years old. And this Dismiss it and don't see the impact it has on us till this very day because it is it's something right.
Our body stores those traumas. Our brain stores it and unless we work through it, we carry it with us.
Jasmine: Yeah. How beautiful.
Theresa: And Jasmine, what is your take on anyone who wants to build confidence in the new year? What is a habit or advice you would recommend for them that they can start today to really build that powerful foundation?
Jasmine: Yeah, you know, I was listening so much to Sheena's story and it activated something or it kind of touched [00:43:00] something within me. I didn't realize that what I was going through was something that so many women, so many people were going through in terms of being in very toxic work environments that were frankly inducing trauma.
I didn't. No, that other people were going through this. And you know, I'm inspired by Sheena because she has all of these hundreds of stories of people who have built confidence. What I would say is the biggest thing that you should do in 2025 is don't shut yourself down. Open yourself up. There are so many resources, especially now, just go to Sheena's podcast and listen to all 800 of those episodes back to back, and you are going to hear the stories of people who you look at today.
And you're like, Oh my God, that person has so much confidence. You might look at all three of these women on the screen right now and say, Oh, but y'all got so much confidence, but you need to hear the stories of story of how we were created [00:44:00] and what we deal with on a day to day basis. Even still, and what we're struggling to accomplish.
Even still, we are not super humans. And none of these 800 people that got interviewed are super humans. We're just humans, just like everybody else on this LinkedIn live. And so the number one thing that I would say. say is don't shut yourself down. If you want to build confidence and you want to step out there and you want to own your power and you want to own your voice and you want to own your story, listen to the stories of the people who have done it and are doing it.
And you will recognize that the story is the same. They didn't believe it. They didn't think they could do it. They had to heal a whole bunch of shit to get there. And now they feel better about themselves, but they're still going. They're still going, they're still working and they're still striving. And that is every single one of our stories.
Not just the three of us ladies here. Everybody on the LinkedIn feed and everybody in the world, you're not alone. And so my biggest piece of [00:45:00] advice is listen, seek out the support, talk to people because you're going to start to realize that your story connects to everyone's story and everyone's journey.
And if they can do it, there is no reason you can't.
Theresa: What a beautiful way. To leave our audience with so much inspiration for the new year. And you're absolutely right. It is, it is a process. There will never be a day where any of us are like, I've reached the ultimate level of confidence and I've made it.
No, it's a process, right? We go through, I hope I get there. Wait a second. Hold on.
And then you tell us. All of us, how you did it and what it's like,
but no, I love that reminder that it is a, it is an ongoing journey. It really is a journey and no one is perfect. And we're all going through this journey. And I love the S listen to [00:46:00] 800 stories of women. Going through this journey.
Jasmine: Absolutely. Absolutely. That's, that's it. That would be a beautiful way to start January 1st when we all have our hangovers.
Pop on over, get yourself your iTunes, put your podcast on and just go for it. Yes. Yes,
Theresa: and knowing that even when you look at people who seem to have it all, that they might not have it all. We don't know their stories that are behind the scenes and also the journeys that they went through to get where they are.
There's so much, and we hear that a lot, right on social media especially. We see all the highlight reels and not the stories that are behind it. Hearing the stories that are behind it is so powerful.
Sheena: Mm
Theresa: hmm. Mm hmm. Now, we've gotten beautiful questions here from the audience. Let's start with this one here.
Um, and I believe this one is for Jasmine. But, oh, Sheena, maybe for both of you. When you made your professional transition, because you both made really big professional Did you jump right [00:47:00] in or take baby steps on to what extent do you think your confidence preceded that change versus for an outcome of the success?
Jasmine: Yeah. Um,
Sheena: this is a really great question. Go ahead, Sheena. You take it. Yeah. Um, so I'm, I was a little bit different. I did just take, I just did jump right into it. You know, I kind of just like said, I'm going to quit my job and just, Go like, I didn't have a plan B and I don't think I wouldn't advise that for every single person, right?
Like, especially if you have kids, if you have a family, I know you're not just thinking about yourself. Like I don't have kids, I don't have a husband. It's totally, I have a different situation, and so for me, 21 listening, I, you know, I think taking it, taking baby steps would be a better way. Don't do what I did.
Um, I don't regret it. Part of the reasons why I made that transition was because, about 13 years ago. My aunt passed away from a horrific accident. It was really bad, you know, and it made me realize that [00:48:00] do I want to keep doing what I'm doing now and regret everything that I've ever wanted to do or do something different.
And that's what really pushed me to forge my own path. Right. And I can honestly, like, I can honestly say if I die tomorrow, I literally have no regrets. And I think that's very rare for a person to say. And sometimes that's a bad thing because then you're not motivated to do anything because you're like, I've done it all.
I don't know what else. I can achieve in life and I know there's, I, of course I know I can achieve more, right? But I, I can honestly say I have no regrets, right? I think there was only like one thing that I was missing and it was like traveling to Europe and I did that at 40. I finally went to Paris for the first time.
And after that, it's like I've done everything and more. Like I never thought I would ever write a book for Wiley. Let alone two books. Um, you know, I didn't even know I had two books in me. Um, you know, being able to write that two books in two years, like that's not typical. Right. And so for me, like for a lot of women, [00:49:00] you know, sometimes there's like a breaking point that just like enough is enough and you just need to do something different.
So yes, what I did is a little bit different. I just jumped in. I had no plan B, but I would not advise that for other people. Like, yeah, you know, I could have done things a little bit differently and could have done it better where, um, I would have had a little bit better of a situation, but it's okay. I don't regret it.
Everything happens for a reason. And like I mentioned, like everything happens when we look back, everything will make sense. But yeah, I would take baby steps for all those out there listening.
Jasmine: Yeah, I actually agree. So I did the same thing as Sheena. I just jumped. I jumped with zero net. I didn't even know if there was a net there.
I was just like, we're just running and leaping. Um, and I would not recommend that for everybody either. I think. think it's really a personal decision as to how you want to move through your trajectory of building your confidence and what you have the capacity to take on at this moment, what you have the capacity to change.
It's very [00:50:00] individual. I do want to mention the second part of the question, which is really interesting and I'm loving. I think it's from Jamie. I'm loving how Jamie's brain is operating right now because essentially she's saying like , did you change and then the, you know, confidence came or was it, was it because of the successes that you had?
And I think the answer is yes, because I don't think confidence is a linear process. So it's not that you do something and then you're confident, right? Like confidence actually continues to grow and develop. So for me, confidence is having. A belief in self that's just a bit higher than the doubt and the fear so that you can take a step, right?
And that could be a baby step, a step outside of your comfort zone. After you take that step, things change and you have evidence now that if I act differently and I engage differently, then a different outcome will happen. I will be a more confident person. Now that success then feeds back into your belief.
So your [00:51:00] belief systems start to creep up higher. Then you take more bigger actions. So maybe you're not taking baby steps anymore. Maybe you're taking a little bit more like toddler steps. And then that feeds more success and more evidence, which goes back to feeding your belief. Now your belief is bigger and you're taking quantum leaps.
So this isn't a linear process. It's actually a process that feeds into each other. So your belief system feeds into the actions that you take, which feeds into the evidence that you create, which feeds back into your belief. So I hope Jamie, that that answers the question of what comes first, the chicken or the egg.
It's both. It's everything. It all works together to create that confidence sense of self.
Theresa: Love that. That was such a beautiful answer. Jasmine off really that chicken or the egg on, okay, let's take a teeny tiny egg and then grow it from there. And it doesn't happen overnight. And for me, you don't have to be like me
Jasmine: and Gina and be like, I'm going to [00:52:00] go.
I don't, I also, Gina, you know, I'm so excited to hear your story when we chat, but I, I did the exact same thing as you and I, I fell flat on my face. Many, many times. And when I, when I advise people, it's always like, do what you think is best for you and the people around you. Right? Because like you, Sheena, I have my dog.
He's, he's not portable, but , he's mobile. Like, we can go places. But, you know, I have the privilege of being able to decide what my life looks like for me. That's a huge privilege. And so I take that privilege in the risks that I take, but if you can't take those big risks, you can still do things. And what Sheena was mentioning was, yes, take those baby steps.
Theresa: 100%. And also if for myself, if anyone would have told me five years ago that today I'm running a successful coaching business, I'm hosting this 12 days of career goal online conference, I would have been like, Yeah, you're crazy. You're absolutely crazy. There's no way. [00:53:00] But at that time, I was like, Okay, I just gonna start a coaching business and have two clients.
That's a great goal that seemed achievable at that time. And then everything just unfolds after there. So not setting yourself this huge goal of, okay, I need to have it all. Um, but at first, what's that first milestone I want to get to? And then once you're there, what's that next milestone I want to get to?
I love that.
Jasmine: I love that.
Theresa: Over time, it all unfolds the way it's supposed to unfold. Okay, next question we're getting here is, How do you keep your motivation and self confidence when you've been working on it for a really long time and not making the progress you hoped? Outside your support network and without realistic goals.
Or with realistic goals, apologies.
Jasmine: Yeah. Yeah. Oh boy. This is a good one.
Sheena: Yeah. It's a tough question. Um, I know, I know social media, social media is great and social media is not great. [00:54:00] Right. Uh, we see a lot of overnight success on, on social media or just in general, and people don't realize the story behind that overnight success.
I mean, yes, there's like that rare person that does actually have overnight success, but most people that. You think have it have been grinding putting in the work day in and day out to get to where they are today and personal development is important and I know sometimes we work on ourselves to the point where it's just crickets like we don't hear anything and we think nothing is happening.
But it is happening. You just don't see it yet. And when that, when that finally hits, you're like, now it makes sense, right? Uh, I always like to listen to people's stories, watching interviews, especially successful people, right? Because they failed a lot more than they succeeded. Um, you know, you look at like Thomas Edison, 10, 000 ways for a light bulb, not to work.
Right. Imagine if he stopped at like the 5, 000 try or the 9, 999th try. Like, then we wouldn't have a light bulb. [00:55:00] Right. Or you look at like JK Rowling. I think she got rejected by like 50 publishers before, Harry Potter was picked up and, look where Harry Potter is today. Right. Like it's not just a movie, it's a whole empire.
And so just because we think nothing is happening. Something is happening. We just can't see it yet. And we live in this world of instant gratification. And I know it's exhausting, right? Because you're like, I've been doing this for so long, like, why isn't anything happening? I, and I get it, because I've been through that too, right?
And, and it, and you just feel demotivated at times. And this is why it's really important to listen to people's stories because they've been in that situation that you've been in they know that There's that point in your life where it's just like a season of pain You know, it's just it's temporary and we don't know how long it will take right?
There's no magical number But if we keep going at it You know, we'll get there. Um, and I think some people just give up too easily, right? Um, [00:56:00] they're, they're, they're like three feet from gold and that's when they stop. So I hope this helps you, uh, Stephanie. I know, I know it may be right at this moment.
You think like, I feel like nothing's happening. Something is happening. You just can't see it yet. And, uh, you know, if you read people like success, people's real stories, like they went through so many failures, they went through the same situation. To get to the moment that they're in today.
Jasmine: Yeah, I love that.
I would say, I love that. That's exactly, and, and we kind of talked about this, right? If you need to listen to the stories of others to really understand that the journey that you see in a, in a reel on Instagram isn't the full story. Um, what I would say to Stephanie too is, feel it. Cry. It's okay. Like there have been so many times when I thought some outcome was going to happen and it didn't happen the way I wanted it to, or I'm, I am still waiting for my man to come.
He must be lost [00:57:00] in the FedEx. I don't know what is going on. And I have to feel that. But what we, what we oftentimes do is we suppress negative emotions because we think they are bad to feel when you have to feel every piece of the journey. When I sit and cry because I'm lonely, when I sit and cry because I don't have yet what I am working so hard to achieve, I let those emotions run through me and they course outside of me and then I am able to step back and say, Okay, J.
You got this. But when we suppress those emotions and we don't allow ourselves to feel the disappointment to feel the pain to feel the anger, sometimes all we're doing is suppressing it and suppressing it and suppressing it when we allow the energy, the emotions to move through, we are more capable of then saying, okay, I can do this.
I got this. So what I would [00:58:00] say to you, Stephanie, is if you're waiting for your blessing, cry about waiting for your blessing, cry about not having it yet. Let let yourself feel those emotions. And then when you feel those emotions and let those emotions out, remind yourself of who you are. Don't ever forget that.
Remind yourself of who you are and why you are doing this amazing work. And that I'm sure we'll get you back into your energy, but please, please, please feel the feelings. A hundred
Theresa: percent with you, with both of you. Yes. And feel those feelings and be kind to yourself. Yes. Kindness. Don't beat yourself up about not having achieved that confidence goal.
It comes. Yes. Over time it grows like you can't see the grass growing right but it's growing over the years and it's these little things that we don't see when we're looking at it every day but then you look back at it a year or two or three years later and then you see the growth. [00:59:00] And a lot of times I see people like, and this is specifically for our clients I work with who are going through a career change and the job search is really hard and they often hit this really low of like, I'm doing all the things and nothing's working.
And that's usually right before the breakthrough happens.
Jasmine: Oh, absolutely. Yes.
Theresa: It's the three feet from the gold. Exactly. Don't stop there. Yes. And that's what I tell people. I'm like, okay, I hear you and you're allowed to feel all the feelings. It is hard. It's frustrating. It's this time of your life is really challenging, but I think you're three feet from the gold.
And if you just be kind to yourself, feel the feelings. But then pick yourself up and keep going. You're going to reach your goals.
Jasmine: Yeah, absolutely.
Theresa: This was absolutely incredible. I could keep going on this conversation forever, but unfortunately our time is coming to an end before we leave off.
Where can our listeners connect with you and learn more about you and [01:00:00] follow you? Let's start with Sheena. Where can people find you?
Sheena: Yeah, for sure. Um, You know, you can check out my website, ShinaYapChan. com. I also have a free self confidence personality quiz that you can take. Um, also there's a link there, ShinaYapChan.
com forward slash links. All my social media is there, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, um, YouTube. , you can also pick up my books as well. , the Tao of Self Confidence is available now to read. So you can pick it up at Amazon or, , Barnes and Nobles. Bridging the confidence gap is actually available for pre order.
So you can pre order your copy today, , at Amazon and Barnes and Nobles and every other book retailer globally. And honestly, if you forget anything I mentioned, you just Google my name, Sheena Yap Chan. I'm the only Sheena Yap Chan on the internet.
Jasmine: Oh, Hey, I like that.
Sheena: Yeah.
Jasmine: The one and only.
Theresa: And I can't wait to listen to all 800 episodes.
That is, that's going to [01:01:00] be my binge. I love it. Thank you, Sheena. Jasmine, where can our listeners find you and connect with you and follow your work?
Jasmine: Man, I be on these LinkedIn streets all the time, y'all. So you can hit me up on LinkedIn, follow me on LinkedIn. You can DM me. I love having chats in the DM.
If you go to my LinkedIn profile, there is a link there. I do have a free. Reinvention mini training. So if any of you out there are interested in reinventing your personal professional life, take the training, it'll help you identify the right ways to get started. And if you're interested in the courage crew, which is our membership community, where we get women together who are undergoing reinvention journeys together.
The information is also on my LinkedIn profile as well. And again, hit me up, DM me, let me know what you took away from today's session, because there were so many gems dropped
Theresa: 100%. So many gems dropped. Absolutely. Thank you both so much for [01:02:00] being here. I appreciate your wisdom inside guidance for our audience so very much.
And it was such a beautiful conversation and I highly recommend for everyone listening, follow Jasmine and follow Sheena. They share absolutely incredible inspiration inside every single day. And as two individuals, you absolutely have to keep following and learning from. Thank you both for being here with me today.
Jasmine: Bye everybody. Thank you.
Theresa: What an incredible session today on building unshakable confidence and overcoming imposter syndrome. A huge thank you again to Sheena and Jasmine for sharing such actual strategies and personal stories that inspire us to own our worth. It most definitely has inspired me. We've explored how confidence is built through intentional practice, Not perfection and learned that overcoming imposter syndrome starts with reframing our thoughts and embracing our unique value.
And this [01:03:00] also reminds me again that career clarity is the foundation of all success. Today's discussion has shown us that confidence connects to achieving that clarity. And when we believe in our past, Every step forward becomes stronger. What to do next? First of all, please reflect on today's insights.
Write down the ideas that resonated most in the strategies you'll explore in the 12 Days of Career Goals guidebook. And second, identify one specific action step that you will take to apply what you've learned today. Whether it's journaling your wins, I love the badass list or the I'm dope list.
Practice and confidence building exercises or tackling and limiting belief. Make it clear and actionable and write it down in your guidebook. Once you write it down, you're going to be so much more likely to follow through. So don't miss this chance to take your career to the next level.
And I'll see you all [01:04:00] back here tomorrow.
Speaker 2: And that's a wrap for today's episode of Career Clarity Unlocked. If you're feeling stuck in that what's next spiral and are ready to finally break free, Let's chat. You can book your free Career Clarity Call, where we'll uncover what's really important to you, tackle any obstacles holding you back, and map out your best next step.
Schedule your free 30 minute call today on careerbloomcoaching. com And before you head out, be sure to follow us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify so you never miss an episode. If today's conversation gave you new insights and inspiration, please leave a review. It really helps us reach more amazing listeners like you.
And don't forget to share this episode with a friend or on social media. Your support truly means the world. Thanks for hanging out with me and I'll see you next time. [01:05:00]